Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
