I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
