I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Randomize
