Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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