Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
