Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
