Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
