Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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