I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
