you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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