I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Randomize
