Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
