okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
