In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sext me about skeletons
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
