My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
