There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
