dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
