well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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