Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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