i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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