Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
