You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
