So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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