"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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