I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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