So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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