can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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