i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
