My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
