then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
