there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
