i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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