He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
