I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
