She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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