I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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