Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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