at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
