So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
