so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You took a bar mat shot.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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