i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
