it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
