piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
