do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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