I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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