He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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