I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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