cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
