It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
