Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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