Do you still have your period?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
