I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
