I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
