everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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