This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I faked an abortion last night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
