We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
