I bet he comes in French.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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